Thursday, February 10, 2011

smeared


There has been some incidents this week.  Happenings of the most unpleasant kind.  The kind of things that drive people to drink heavily.

Naturally it involves the children.  Children can be the proprietors of much unpleasantness. This is true.

Most of the displeasing behavior can be attributed to normal childhood menaces. Growing pains, teething and the like. But the most abhorrent episodes involve a little blond haired girl and fecal matter. Smeared.

You got that image thick in your brain? Good. Because these scenes will never, ever leave my memory.

So it's been a little rough. And stinky.

I've shed a tear or two.  I'm generally not a crier. But a human being can only take so much shit in their life. You know what I mean?  There's a limit.

Sugar Daddy took the boy to Costco last weekend and they came home with a five pound jar of Jelly Belly Jelly beans.  I have a few things to say about this, but I will save them for another day.

Needless to say, I've been trying to referee the consumption of said jelly beans all week.  So when I saw The Boy take the back way to the stairs with something clasped in his hands, I called him over for a search and seizure.

"Lemme have em."  I held out my hand.

"I don't have candy mom." he said almost convincingly.

"What cha got there then?"

"Nothin."

"Open up. Let me see." I demanded.

And he did. And in his sticky little boy hand was a rock I had painted a heart onto.

"I was making a Valentine.  For you."

Now my kid is quick on his feet. This could have been a rouse. But his eyes said otherwise.

(Insert a piercing arrow to my heart here.)

I love my children.

I need to say that publicly to all the people in my life to whom I complain.  To those people who listen to me make empty threats of getting a full time job and a nanny.  To Jenny who comes in my darkest hours, and cries with me.

I love my children. I love my life and I really love the fact that Sugar Daddy and I are going away for a couple of days next weekend.

As for Birdie, from now on she will be napping in footed pajamas with the zipper safety pinned at the top.

13 comments:

Alison said...

Great post! I was cringing at the start, and smiling at the end.

Laurie said...

What a funny post, made me smile too. We've all had those poopy days and those days when our children melt our hearts and it feels like it could just burst open. I seem to have the poopy days (3 year old) some sweetness from my girl (11 years old) and potty mouth from my teen son (14). My house is crazy...

Rebecca said...

Oh the smeared poo! I only had one child that thought this was fun, and I actually contemplated duct tape around the diaper for nap time!

margie said...

YOU are an amazing mother...
this shit will pass and you will trade it in for some other shit...
life...
chin up...boobs out...lipstick on...
LOVE you sister...
kiss kiss
m

Angie said...

I once smelled a foul smell in my boys room, so I sniffed and I sniffed and I found the location....the heat vent in the floor. My son informed me that he had been peeing in it for 7 days.
P.S. I heart your bog and cleaver words.
Angie,
P.P.S I think you might know my friend Ivory Hill...yes..no?

Cinnamon*Sticks Boutique said...

Oh April honey! Don't those moment when they melt your heart just make up for all the clorox scrubbing, gag inducing, nostril burning moments?
Hugs!
Canela

Stephanie O. said...

April, I am a lurker, and don't ever comment, but I have to today. I have the same problem with my 2 year old daughter....WHAT THE HEY...... I have resorted back to onesies with pants as well. I don't know what I am going to do if this doesn't stop by the time it reaches 100* in the arizona desert.....
They say that this "shit" will pass, and it will be new "shit" - I can't wait for the new stuff to come my way because this part sure is stinky....

Thanks for the blog posts that are always entertaining!

Julie said...

Precious boy. Love to all on Heart day!

Hilary said...

{vigorously knocking on wood} we have yet to have a poop incident.
My condolences.

katiemack. said...

i would move heaven and earth to be your nanny. say the word, mama.

Mindy Gledhill said...

Hey! I found that my boy had been peeing down the heater vent too! So freaking foul I threw a temper tantrum. Hang in there April! All mothers are different and some need more adult time than others. I'm that way and I've learned it's perfectly normal. We love our kids just as much as the next mom.

Charisa said...

Been there too! Such a defining moment, cleaning poo from the crib slats. Finding the heart at the end of the day makes it all worth while though.

If the pj's are zippered and footless, try putting them on backwards. They can't unzip what they can't reach! And if they're footies - cut the feet off so you can turn them around! :)

New to your blog, but am enjoying it!

april said...

Thank you all so very much for your poop consolation. It really helps.